a mask

The masks we wear have layers, like the true nature of paper mache.

Paper mache is weak and translucent if there are not enough layers.
My mask is transparent around my family and friends.
My mask is transparent if I trust the wrong people.
My mask is transparent if I do not properly edit myself.

Paper mache is perfect with just the right amount of layers.
My mask is perfect if I think before I speak or act.
My mask is perfect when I wear it at appropriate times.
Paper mache can loose its strength, form and structure if too layered.
My mask is so layered, it has weighed me down.
It has pulled me down, strained my neck, my back and crashed to the ground. It shattered upon impact.
My mask is not there to protect me from my raw emotions.
I no longer have it to hide from my fears.
I no longer have it to falsely display my strength.
I not longer have ti to say I am fine.
I no longer have it to say I am "handling" it all.

As I write I know I need to allow my over layered, heavy mask to pull me down to my knees. Fall to my knees, swollen eyes, tears, sobbing, physical weakness given over to HIM. Lord I praise you with thanksgiving for all your love and possibilities in my life. Lord I pray to hear your desires for me. Lord I want to hear when to be strong and when to "handle it" and maybe more importantly, when to back off, give it to you and let it go. Lord I thank you for all the wonderful family and friends who truly love me and I love them. Lord I pray to have the discernment when to know what relationships are toxic for me and when to keep distance and have peace with it.
Lord thank you for loving me
Lord thank you for working with me every day
Lord thank you for my girl, and everything she is.

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
Psalm 29:10-11