My GOD PEOPLE

My friend Kimmarie just had a birthday. She is one of the most important people in my life... so I took the opportunity to tell her. About 7 years ago we met. At that time I was wondering what God was going to do for me. She, ever so quietly, taught me to think differently as she demonstrated with her own God filled life. When I was brave enough, or some would argue smart enough, she showed me how to take one step at a time. After I asked for help, sometimes she was not so quiet. I think I needed that. She was the one most important person who showed me turning to God is what I need to do.

So I was thinking.... Who are my GOD PEOPLE?

Well... Kimmarie of course!

My MOM! She took my brother and I to church for the majority of our childhood. I wish she did not stop but I do believe that this was a foundation of good I would remember in my life, even when I wasn't acting so good. Thank you Mom for loving me unconditionally!

My Brother!! He returned to church long before I did. He would answer my questions. He would never judge. He would never preach. He taught me to pray to God so HE could make our challenges become lessons, for Him to put the right friends and resources in our path. Scott is a strong man for his wife, children, friends and his church. I am so proud of him!

The BODY of LifePoint- Every person who said "hi" each Sunday I went to LifePoint. Every one of them was GOD telling me this was the place to be. I eventually connected to small groups, bible studies and even worked in the church office. What an amazing place to grow up a baby Christian.

...to be continued...

WHY?!?

Why does his choices effect us so?
Why did he make the choice to not fight for us?
Why were we not worth fighting for?
Why is he a coward, taking the easy way out?
Why did he choose to leave?

Why does he get to leave?
to live single
to live at the beach
to work and play at his whim
to travel and golf and more
to send gifts in the mail
to speak bubblegum words on the phone
to make promises fit for a princess
to have all the fun and no discipline

Why does he get to take for years then leave?
to leave me with age and less time
to leave me with low pay, low time, and low education
to leave with a house to sell
a child to raise
a degree to earn
to judge me?

Why does he get to leave, but I still have to
depend on him for money
get his "approval" to pay for school
ask him to pay for doctors appts

Why can't he just leave, and be gone?
why must we have to talk
why must I explain why he can't visit
why must I explain why he left
why must I explain why we could not go
why must he continue to give her false hope

Why do I still let him effect me this way?
Why can't I just not care?

When can I be strong... always?
When can I move on financially?
When can I move out of his house?
When can I stop crying?
When can I be brave... always?

a mask

The masks we wear have layers, like the true nature of paper mache.

Paper mache is weak and translucent if there are not enough layers.
My mask is transparent around my family and friends.
My mask is transparent if I trust the wrong people.
My mask is transparent if I do not properly edit myself.

Paper mache is perfect with just the right amount of layers.
My mask is perfect if I think before I speak or act.
My mask is perfect when I wear it at appropriate times.
Paper mache can loose its strength, form and structure if too layered.
My mask is so layered, it has weighed me down.
It has pulled me down, strained my neck, my back and crashed to the ground. It shattered upon impact.
My mask is not there to protect me from my raw emotions.
I no longer have it to hide from my fears.
I no longer have it to falsely display my strength.
I not longer have ti to say I am fine.
I no longer have it to say I am "handling" it all.

As I write I know I need to allow my over layered, heavy mask to pull me down to my knees. Fall to my knees, swollen eyes, tears, sobbing, physical weakness given over to HIM. Lord I praise you with thanksgiving for all your love and possibilities in my life. Lord I pray to hear your desires for me. Lord I want to hear when to be strong and when to "handle it" and maybe more importantly, when to back off, give it to you and let it go. Lord I thank you for all the wonderful family and friends who truly love me and I love them. Lord I pray to have the discernment when to know what relationships are toxic for me and when to keep distance and have peace with it.
Lord thank you for loving me
Lord thank you for working with me every day
Lord thank you for my girl, and everything she is.

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
Psalm 29:10-11