Hermiting

I just read a friends FB profile. She was hermiting because of allergies.
I understand. I am hermiting too... but why?

From being so busy for weeks.
from knowing I have to be real busy and legal this week.
from having family far away.
from missing my girl
from missing the idea of family
from missing the idea of a partner
because I am alone
knowing I am not alone but want to be
or do I?

I guess I really do not know what I want
or how to figure it out
or where to start
or know where to go
or where to look
or begin to think about anything beyond today

I guess I really am afraid to be alone
to fail alone? or really afraid to succeed alone?

I am sad he left without trying
I am sad he did not think we were worth fighting for
I am sad I can not change that
I am sad I have to accept that, I can not change that, I must let it go!

I must give up the hermit... embrace the butterfly
I must give up the fear... embrace the adventure
I forget what is lost... embrace what I have and will have
I must give up the control... embrace HIM

Nowhere in a caterpillar is the sign a butterfly is coming